Books I've Read 2010

Books in bold are ones I've especially liked:

1. The Penelopiad, Margaret Atwood
2. Futurama: The Time Bender Trilogy, Matt Groening
3. Interview With a Vampire, Anne Rice
4. Her Fearful Symmetry, Audrey Niffennegger
5. The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold
6. Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days, Joss Whedon
7. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
8. Shades of Grey, Jasper Fforde
9. Heat Wave, Richard Castle
10. The Help, Kathryn Stockett
11. Confections of a Closet Master Baker, Gesine Bullock-Prado
12. A Widow For One Year, John Irving
13. If You Come Softly, Jacqueline Woodson
14. Shiver, Maggie Stiefvater
15. If I Stay, Gayle Forman
16. Scarlett Fever, Maureen Johnson
17. Marcelo In The Real World, Francisco X. Stork
18. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
    
19. Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, A Man Who Would Cure the World, Tracy Kidder
20. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson
21. The Clock Without a Face, Eli Horowitz
22. Day After Night, Anita Diamant
23. The Shipping News, E. Annie Proulx
24. Prodigal Summer, Barbara Kingsolver
25. Little Bee, Chris Cleave
26. The Red Pyramid, Rick Riordan
    
27. Wizard's First Rule, Terry Goodkind
28. Stone of Tears, Terry Goodkind
29. When You Reach Me, Rebecca Stead
30. The Swan Thieves, Elizabeth Kostova
31. Monsters of Men (Chaos Walking, Book 3), Patrick Ness
32. Blood of the Fold, Terry Goodkind
33. Will Grayson, Will Grayson, John Green & David Levithan
34. Beautiful Creatures, Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
35. The Necromancer (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel: Book 4), Michael Scott
36. This is Where I Leave You, Jonathan Tropper
37. Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex (Book 7), Eoin Colfer
38. Superior Saturday (Keys to the Kingdom), Garth Nix
39. The God of Animals, Aryn Kyle
40. She's Come Undone, Wally Lamb
41. Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins
42. Only the Good Spy Young, Ally Carter
43. The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, Sarah Silverman
44. The Maze Runner, James Dashner
45. The Mockingbirds, Daisy Whitney (ARC)
46. Incarceron, Catherine Fisher (ARC)
47. Reckless, Cornelia Funke
48. How to Talk To a Widower, Jonathan Tropper
49. The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver
50. The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd
51. It Is Right to Draw Their Fur, Dave Eggers
52. Knives at Dawn: America's Quest for Culinary Glory at the Legendary Bocuse d'Or Competition, Andrew Friedman
53. Serenity: The Shepard's Tale, Zack Whedon
54. The Scorch Trials, James Dashner
55. Dead Until Dark, Charlaine Harris
56. The Color of Magic, Terry Pratchett
57. Olive Kitteridge, Elizabeth Strout

News from the Joss-verse

In the mood for some fantastic, hot-off-the-presses news? The Syfy channel has cast Felicia Day to star in a re-telling/re-imagining of Little Red Riding Hood called Red. The bad news? We have to wait until 2011 to watch it.

To Be Read

I usually post about the books I've already read, but I have such a back log of unread books on my shelf, I'm going to post about the books I want to read during the remainder of the year. There is no rhyme, reason or theme to these books other than they have been sitting on my shelf unread for months or even years. Books 1-6 were borrowed from friends, and as such will be the first I tackle. I'll update this post as I make my way through the list. Forty-one books in ten months...Should be do-able!

1. A Widow for One Year, John Irving
2. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson
   
3. What She Saw, Lucinda Rosenfeld
4. Capote: A Biography, Gerald Clarke
5. Veronica, Nicholas Christopher
6. Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a Man Who Would Cure the World, Tracy Kidder
7. Zeitoun, Dave Eggers
8. Peter and the Sword of Mercy, Dave Barry
9. The God of Animals, Aryn Kyle
10. Day After Night, Anita Diamant
11. The Nazi Officer's Wife, Edith Beer
12. Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris
13. Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books, Azar Nafisi
14. A Million Little Pieces, James Frey
15. The Orchid Thief: A True Story of Beauty and Obsession, Susan Orlean
16. A Spot of Bother, Mark Haddon
17. Animal Farm, George Orwell
18. Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton
    
19. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
20. A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
21. Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling
22. The Castle, Franz Kafka
23. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
24. Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut
25. Anne of Ingelside, L. M. Montgomery
26. Rainbow Valley, L. M. Montgomery
27. Rilla of Ingleside, L. M. Montgomery
28. She's Come Undone, Wally Lamb
29. A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin
30. The Tombs of Atuan, Ursula K. Le Guin
31. The Farthest Shore, Ursula K. Le Guin
32. Tehanu, Ursula K. Le Guin
33. Underworld, Don DeLillo
34. Last Chance to See, Douglas Adams
35. The White Tiger, Aravind Adiga
36. Arkansas, John Brandon
37. Fever Chart, Bill Cotter
38. The Wild Things, Dave Eggers
39. Winter Wood, Steve Augarde
40. The Shipping News, E. Annie Proulx
41. The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd

Judging a book by its cover II

I'm not generally a fan of merchandise tie-ins to movies or television series, but I am going to make an exception for a book published by Hyperion in 2009, Heat Wave by Richard Castle. Richard Castle is a fictional bestselling mystery writer in the eponymous ABC show Castle. The show is fantastic. Richard Castle is played by Joss Whedon alumnus Nathan Fillion of Firefly and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog fame. This would likely be enough to endear me to Castle, but the writing is funny and clever, and it's a real pleasure being entertained by Fillion
for an hour each week.

Back to the book. I'm sure it is not the first of its kind, but it really tickled me to be able to hold the book published in the television series in my hands. The details are perfect, from the back cover picture of Fillion and the mini-biography on the back flap, to the dedication. It all just makes me happy.

I haven't gotten around to reading it yet and honestly am not expecting great things. For me, the actual substance of the book doesn't matter much since the execution of the idea is just so much fun.

In which I display my geekiness

I present Figure 1, an homage to my geeky tendencies, where I plot data on the books I've read since I started keeping track four years ago. This is actually two plots, the first of which is a bar graph showing the total number of books read by year, and the second a line graph showing the percentage of those books that were written for adults.

Figure 1. The books I've read.

The first thing you will notice is that there is a sharp drop-off in books read from 2007 to 2008. This is easily explained if you know that I met my husband in the first half of 2008, and I suddenly found myself happily distracted. The second is that a very large percentage (>=60%) of the books I have been reading these past four years were not written for adults, but rather teens, young adults and middle readers.

Now there is nothing wrong with this; I count a number of those books among my favorite of all time. However, for the past couple of months I've found myself wanting to reverse this trend and get caught up again in the world of adult literature. I feel there are a great number of fantastic books I've missed out on along the way. So, if you wouldn't mind, please help me by leaving a comment on your favorite books that have been published since 2006 (OK, they can be books published before 2006 as well. Go crazy!).

Books I've read: 2009

Books in bold are ones I've especially liked:

1. Anansi Boys, Neil Gaiman
2. Owl in Love, Patrice Kindl
3. Lock and Key, Sarah Dessen
4. The Two Princesses of Bamarre, Gail Carson Levine
5. Vegan Virgin Valentine, Carolyn Mackler
6. The Singing, Alison Croggon
7. Inferno, Robin Stevenson
   
8. Special Topics in Calamity Physics, Marisha Pessl
9. City of Glass, Cassandra Clare
10. The Last Days, Scott Westerfeld
11. Guyaholic, Carolyn Mackler
12. Alanna, Tamora Pierce
13. In the Hand of the Goddess, Tamora Pierce
14. The Woman Who Rides Like a Man, Tamora Pierce
15. Lioness Rampant, Tamora Pierce
16. Trickster's Choice, Tamora Pierce
17. Trickster's Queen, Tamora Pierce
18. The Last Olympian (Percy Jackson and the Olympians), Rick Riordan
19. Impossible, Nancy Werlin
20. Brisingr, Christopher Paolini
21. The Sorceress (The Secrets of Nicholas Flamel: Book 3), Michael Scott
22. Revelations, Melissa de la Cruz
23. The Forest of Hands and Teeth, Carrie Ryan
24. Watchman, Alan Moore
25. The Arrival, Shaun Tan
26. Wintergirls, Laurie Halse Anderson
27. A Homemade Life, Molly Wizenberg
28. Pretty Monsters, Kelly Link
29. Good Girls, Laura Ruby
30. Queste (Septimus Heap, Book 4), Angie Sage
31. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
32. The Knife of Never Letting Go, Patrick Ness
33. The Secret of Lost Things, Sheridan Hay
34. Kiki Strike: The Empress's Tomb, Kirsten Miller
35. Along for the Ride, Sarah Dessen
36. Heroes of the Valley, Jonathan Stroud
37. Catching Fire, Suzanne Collins
38. People of the Book, Geraldine Brooks
39. Light on Snow, Anita Shreve
40. Three Junes, Julia Glass
41. Nation, Terry Pratchett
42. Secrets of My Hollywood Life: On Location, Jen Calonita
43. The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown
44. Commencement, J. Courtney Sullivan
    
45. Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs, Jen Calonita
46. Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Paparazzi Princess, Jen Calonita
47. The Boy Book, E. Lockhart
48. The Treasure Map of Boys, E. Lockhart
49. The Van Alen Legacy, Melissa de la Cruz
50. Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover, Ally Carter
51. Liar, Justine Larbalestier
52. Forest Born, Shannon Hale
53. Interworld, Neil Gaiman
54. Fire, Kristin Cashore
55. Vendetta, Chris Humphreys
56. The Ask and the Answer (Chaos Walking, Book 2), Patrick Ness
57. Front and Center, Catherine Murdock
    
58. Sacred Scars (A Resurrection of Magic, Book 2), Kathleen Duey
59. The Overlord Protocol (H.I.V.E.), Mark Walden
    

"Support your local libraries and the crazy people who work there"

From the ALA conference in Chicago, we have dancing librarians!

The Omnivore's 100

From the Boston Globe via Very Good Taste, a food meme.

I know everyone did this forever ago, but I dropped off the face of the blog-earth, and still think this is interesting enough to post. Here are the instructions:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears, or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Books I've read: 2008

Books in bold are ones I've especially liked:

1. The Book of Lost Things, John Connolly
2. Something Rotten, Jasper Fforde
3. Bastard of Istanbul, Elif Shafak
4. Audrey, Wait!, Robin Benway (ARC)
5. Then We Came to the End, Joshua Ferris
6. An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England, Brock Clarke
7. How to Be Bad, e. lockhart, Sarah Mlynowski and Lauren Myracle (ARC)
8. Bewitching Season, Marissa Doyle (ARC)
9. The Last of the High Kings, Kate Thompson (ARC)
10. Thursday Next: First Among Sequels, Jasper Fforde
11. The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl, Barry Lyga
12. Garlic and Sapphires, Ruth Reichl
13. In Defense of Food, Michael Pollan
14. The Memory of Running, Ron McLarty
15. What the Dickens, Gregory Maguire
16. The Pillars of the Earth, Ken Follett
17. How Reading Changed My Life, Anna Quindlen
18. Secrets of My Hollywood Life, Jen Calonita
19. The Singer of All Songs, Kate Constable
20. The Queen of Cool, Cecil Castellucci
21. Rash, Pete Hautman
22. The Waterless Sea, Kate Constable
23. The Tenth Power, Kate Constable
24. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, Sherman Alexie
25. City of Bones, Cassandra Clare
26. Twisted, Laurie Halse Anderson
27. Peeps, Scott Westerfeld
28. The Invention of Hugo Cabret, Brian Selznick
29. The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, E. Lockhart
30. The Mysterious Benedict Society, Trenton Lee Stewart
31. Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me, Ben Karlin
32. The Contract with God Trilogy, Will Eisner
33. Lady Friday, Garth Nix
34. Once Upon a Time in the North, Philip Pullman
35. The Time Machine, H. G. Wells
36. My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult
37. Odd and the Frost Giants, Neil Gaiman
38. Ever, Gail Carson Levine
39. Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
40. Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell
41. City of Ashes, Cassandra Clare
42. Unaccustomed Earth, Jhumpa Lahiri
43. Rapunzel's Revenge, Shannon and Dean Hale
44. Squids Will Be Squids, John Scieszka
45. Y: The Last Man: Girl on Girl, Brian K. Vaughan
46. Y: The Last Man: Paper Dolls, Brian K. Vaughan
47. Y: The Last Man: Kimono Dragons, Brian K. Vaughan
48. Y: The Last Man: Motherland, Brian K. Vaughan
49. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Ann Brashares
50. The Second Summer of the Sisterhood, Ann Brashares
    
51. The Battle of the Labyrinth (Percy Jackson & the Olympians Book 4), Rick Riordan
52. Girls in Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood, Ann Brashares
53. Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood, Ann Brashares
54. The Plain Janes, Cecil Castellucci
55. Outlander, Diana Gabaldon
56. The Adoration of Jenna Fox, Mary E. Pearson
57. Suite Scarlett, Maureen Johnson
58. Y: The Last Man: Whys and Wherefores, Brian K. Vaughan
59. The Magician: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, Michael Scott
60. Kitty Kitty, Michele Jaffe
61. Girl at Sea, Maureen Johnson
62. Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer
63. The Time Paradox (Artemis Fowl, Book 6), Eoin Colfer
64. Just Listen, Sarah Dessen
65. Breaking Up, Aimee Friedman and Christine Norrie
66. A Conspiracy of Paper, David Liaa
67. The Other Boleyn Girl, Philippa Gregory
68. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
69. The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides
70. Something Rotten, Alan Gratz
71. The Power of One, Bryce Courtenay
72. The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox, Maggie O'Farrell
73. Physik (Septimus Heap: Book Three), Angie Sage
74. Paper Towns, John Green
75. How to Ditch Your Fairy, Justine Larbalestier
76. The Graveyard Book, Neil Gaiman
77. Physik, Angie Sage
78. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins
79. Graceling, Kristin Cashore
80. Ironside, Holly Black
81. The Book of the Unknown, Jonathon Keats

From the internets!

Here are two things from the internets that you must see.

First, a comprehensive list of problems solved by MacGyver. And second, well, let's just let this one speak for itself:

He returns!

July 15th.

Raytheon Red is soooo last year

So I was manning my employer's table at a career fair during a regional meeting of the Society for Women Engineers this afternoon. As a participant in the meeting I was entitled to one of the gift tote bags that were handed out. Along with the standard crappy pen, notepad and lens cleaner, I was dismayed? amused? bemused? to find this:

For those of you who are slightly confused, it's a pretty silver gift bag with sparkly bead dangles and, inside, nail polish and lipstick. Both in "Raytheon Red."

It seems to me that if we are to be taken seriously as female scientists and engineers, possibly our organizations should arrange for other gifts? My employer had me handing out small computer tool kits that the women who stopped by to talk with me were thrilled to get. Just saying.

Holy crap

If this isn't enough to fill you with joy and wonder, I don't know what is:

On pictures

It's been my experience that all online dating profile pictures can be lumped into just a few categories.

Category: Guy with a small child.
What he's trying to say: See? I like kids! I've gotten my niece/nephew/friend's cousins's child to pose with me in this picture and I must be a nice guy since he/she/it doesn't seem *that* uncomfortable standing next to me. I can be trusted with all of your hopes and dreams.
What he's really saying: I'm *probably* not too creepy.
Variants: Guy with a dog.

Category: Guy abroad somewhere.
What he's trying to say: I once took a chance and set foot outside of this country. I'm adventurous!
What he's really saying: I have a passport.
Variants: Guy hiking, riding a motorcycle, hang-gliding, rock climbing, surfing, etc.

Category: Head-shot taken at an off-angle.
What he's trying to say: I'm quirky and spontaneous! Life will never be boring if you choose me!
What he's really saying: I have an inner ear problem.
Variants: Guy with a goofy look on his face.

Category: Guy with his arms around a hot girl.
What he's trying to say: I was once funny/clever/smart/entertaining/good looking enough to date someone this beautiful. That should tell you I'm worth your time! Even if this girl turns out to actually be my cousin.
What he's really saying: I'll secretly always wish I was still with the girl pictured here. So now you know what you're up against.
Variant: Guy with his arms around more than one hot girl.

Category: The professional head shot.
What he's trying to say: Look at how handsome I am!
What he's really saying: I needed a lot of air-brushing to look this good, so don't expect to actually see the guy in the picture waiting for you at the bar when we meet.
Variant: Picture taken from far enough away that you can't make out any features; guy wearing a doctor's lab coat/scrubs (comes complete with the not-so-subtle "can support you in the manner to which you've become accustomed" message).

Category: The cropped picture taken by a friend
What he's trying to say: This is what I look like, I thought you might like to know.
What he's really saying: This is what I look like, I thought you might like to know.

Not enough alcohol, part II

Continued from here:

1. Guy whose name I can't even remember
   
2. Guy who kept touching my hand
3. Guy with two kids
4. Guy who thinks science is sexy
5. Guy who wrote me from Kosovo
6. Guy who wanted to compete to see who knew Vermont better
7. Old guy who swears he's only single because he was busy getting his PhD
8. Guy who offered to help me get my butt in gear
   
9. Guy who hates all Arabs (and made sure I knew within our first ten minutes together)
10. Guy who asked me to go to Mexico with him sight unseen
11. Guy who had an unfortunate name
12. Guy who wanted to see a "clear, honest picture" of me before telling me about his research as a history grad student
13. Guy who made me eat Pad Thai after I told him how much I dislike it, who is the same guy who was upset I don't wear heels, who is the same guy who asked me (twice) to take advantage of him while he was drunk, who is the same guy who insisted he walk me one block to my car, who is the same guy who made me wait 10 minutes while he washed his dishes before walking me one block to my car, who is the same guy who asked for a ride the one block from my car back to his apartment
    
14. Guy who didn't talk
15. Guy who offered to fly in a helicopter up from Delaware for a date with me, who is the same guy who called me three times in the space of 15 minutes at work (and no, I never gave him my phone number)
16. Guy who asked to practice massage on me for our first date
17. Guy whose profile says "...I'm the guy that doesn't have the white infront of his face....The white is in use to protect the innocent. This is all I have for the moment, but I will have more."
18. Guy who took the time to write a (very nice) kiss-off email.
19. Guy who quickly became obsessed with the idea of my dating other guys.
20. Guy who was so nervous he couldn't really talk, but did manage to say I looked like a librarian (flatterer!).
21. Guy with a hair fetish.
22. Guy who wasn't exactly local.

And that's where this'll ends, folks. Because the guy who wasn't exactly local is local now. Who knew this whole online dating thing would really work!

Not enough alcohol in the world

As you all may or may not know, I'm single. Shocking, I know. You'd think someone would have snatched up this bookish, geeky Chemist by now, but alas, no one has. Everyone I've talked to (and who have talked with my parents) claims that, nowadays, the best way to meet people is on one of these online dating sites. I beg to differ. Here is a partial list of guys who have been in contact with me. Don't worry, I've only actually met some of them in person (those lucky souls are indicated in bold).

1. Guy whose name I can't even remember
   
2. Guy who kept touching my hand
3. Guy with two kids
4. Guy who thinks science is sexy
5. Guy who wrote me from Kosovo
6. Guy who wanted to compete to see who knew Vermont better
7. Old guy who swears he's only single because he was busy getting his PhD
8. Guy who offered to help me get my butt in gear
   
9. Guy who hates all Arabs (and made sure I knew within our first ten minutes together)
10. Guy who asked me to go to Mexico with him sight unseen
11. Guy who had an unfortunate name
12. Guy who wanted to see a "clear, honest picture" of me before telling me about his research as a history grad student
13. Guy who made me eat Pad Thai after I told him how much I dislike it, who is the same guy who was upset I don't wear heels, who is the same guy who asked me (twice) to take advantage of him while he was drunk, who is the same guy who insisted he walk me one block to my car, who is the same guy who made me wait 10 minutes while he washed his dishes before walking me one block to my car, who is the same guy who asked for a ride the one block from my car back to his apartment
    
14. Guy who didn't talk
15. Guy who offered to fly in a helicopter up from Delaware for a date with me, who is the same guy who called me three times in the space of 15 minutes at work (and no, I never gave him my phone number)
16. Guy who asked to practice massage on me for our first date

I figure I'll continue to add to this list from time to time for your collective amusement. After all, I should be getting something positive out of this experience (I mean, besides free vodka gimlets. Mmm, they make the crazy much easier to swallow and then promptly reject.), so why can't you too?

Cooking a really freakin' big chicken, Day 1

Step 1. Get your hands on a really freakin' big chicken. This is where I got mine, at my friendly neighborhood farm. Check this baby out. It's over 7.5 pounds!

That's...that's huge, people. Don't believe me? Well, let's move on to step two.

Step 2. Find a pot big enough to hold said chicken. The one I have is a 20 quart I had to borrow from my brother since my largest pot was no where near large enough. Behold, the chicken next to the pot.

See? I wasn't lying. This is serious poultry!

Step 3. Make a brine (I used one cup of salt) and soak the chicken inside.

Step 4. Place pot and chicken inside fridge to thaw. Now, I'm not planning on cooking this chicken until Sunday, and for those of you paying attention at home, it's Wednesday. Really freakin' big chickens take a loong time to thaw.

I have two concerns about this chicken in my fridge. First, it's taking up a significant fraction of my available space:

And second, I'm worried that I'll open up my fridge tomorrow morning and chicken-y salt water will come pouring out because that poor shelf can't bear the weight of the pot. How much does 20 quarts of water and a really freakin' big chicken weigh? A bit over 49 pounds, people. Trust me, I'm a chemist. I did the volume-to-weight conversion. So, do we think this shelf can hold it? Should I move the pot over to the other side where the drawer is? Send in your suggestions.

Dolphins are really [insert adjective here]

Mine happened to be: clever, playful, talented...Oh, and do mute your speakers if you don't want to hear the violin music (it doesn't really contribute much

BAD PIE

A while ago I spoke to you all about Good Pie, instructed you in how to recognize it and divulged to you the secrets to eating it properly. I hope you have taken this advice to heart.

I write you today with a heavy heart for I have to discuss Bad Pie. Now you and I both know that in an ideal world there would be no Bad Pie (world peace, an end to poverty, fine, but seriously -- can you imagine a world with only Good Pie? It sends chills down my spine). But this is no ideal world and there are people out there putting themselves in Positions of Power as Pie Distributors who are letting you all down.

You see, there's a new Pie Bakery (this is the actual name of the shop) in town that my family tried out last night. When I got to the shop to buy a few pieces to take to dinner with me, my options were key lime pie (fine) and three choices of cream pie. That's all. Cream pie is...well, it's OK if there are other options as well, but honestly, I'm wary of a pie shop that seems to only be offering slices of cream pie. What are they trying to hide under all of that custard and whipped cream? (I am obligated to mention that this bakery did make their own whipped cream. At least some things are sacred.) I'll tell you what they were hiding: their crust.

Good pie crust is delicate and flaky, it almost dissolves in your mouth. Good Crust is difficult to work with. Apparently these pastry chefs couldn't be bothered and added BAKING POWDER to their dough to give it the appearance of flakiness, but really, it just ended up tasting like a stale cracker. Whywhywhywhywhy would they do that?! Remember, people, a stale cracker won't form that luxurious layer of slightly under-done filling-flavored goo that you're supposed to scrape off in Step 5 of your pie eating.

I do have to say there is one high point with this new bakery: the "History of Pie" blurb on the back of their takeout menu. And I quote:

"Pie has been around since the ancient Egyptians. The first pies were made by early Romans who may have learned about it through the Greeks. ."

Yes, there really is two-thirds of an ellipses on the printed document. I appreciate the proprietors covering their butts with the ancient civilizations, but why stop with the Egyptians, Romans and Greeks? How about the Akkadians or Babylonians? We could also -- gasp! -- venture onto other continental land masses! I wonder if any Ancient South American civilizations had pie. Better mention them too, just to be sure.

Random internet stuff

Random stuff from the internets:

• "Scientists for better PCR" music video
• The next board game I'm going to buy
• PBS is showing all of the movie versions of Jane Austen's books, and we get to vote on which leading man is our favorite! Ah, PBS, educational as always. Now who will I choose...Hot Guy from MI-5? Or Ye Olde Classic, Mr. Darcy? Decisions, decisions.
  
• Shannon Hale interviews Libba Bray
• If you liked the idea of Buffy Season 8 in comic book form, you'll be thrilled to know that the same thing is happening with Angel
• Friend C found this for me, and I have to say, she was dead on that I want to do this to a future room in my future house