Not enough alcohol in the world

As you all may or may not know, I'm single. Shocking, I know. You'd think someone would have snatched up this bookish, geeky Chemist by now, but alas, no one has. Everyone I've talked to (and who have talked with my parents) claims that, nowadays, the best way to meet people is on one of these online dating sites. I beg to differ. Here is a partial list of guys who have been in contact with me. Don't worry, I've only actually met some of them in person (those lucky souls are indicated in bold).

1. Guy whose name I can't even remember
   
2. Guy who kept touching my hand
3. Guy with two kids
4. Guy who thinks science is sexy
5. Guy who wrote me from Kosovo
6. Guy who wanted to compete to see who knew Vermont better
7. Old guy who swears he's only single because he was busy getting his PhD
8. Guy who offered to help me get my butt in gear
   
9. Guy who hates all Arabs (and made sure I knew within our first ten minutes together)
10. Guy who asked me to go to Mexico with him sight unseen
11. Guy who had an unfortunate name
12. Guy who wanted to see a "clear, honest picture" of me before telling me about his research as a history grad student
13. Guy who made me eat Pad Thai after I told him how much I dislike it, who is the same guy who was upset I don't wear heels, who is the same guy who asked me (twice) to take advantage of him while he was drunk, who is the same guy who insisted he walk me one block to my car, who is the same guy who made me wait 10 minutes while he washed his dishes before walking me one block to my car, who is the same guy who asked for a ride the one block from my car back to his apartment
    
14. Guy who didn't talk
15. Guy who offered to fly in a helicopter up from Delaware for a date with me, who is the same guy who called me three times in the space of 15 minutes at work (and no, I never gave him my phone number)
16. Guy who asked to practice massage on me for our first date

I figure I'll continue to add to this list from time to time for your collective amusement. After all, I should be getting something positive out of this experience (I mean, besides free vodka gimlets. Mmm, they make the crazy much easier to swallow and then promptly reject.), so why can't you too?