On pictures

It's been my experience that all online dating profile pictures can be lumped into just a few categories.

Category: Guy with a small child.
What he's trying to say: See? I like kids! I've gotten my niece/nephew/friend's cousins's child to pose with me in this picture and I must be a nice guy since he/she/it doesn't seem *that* uncomfortable standing next to me. I can be trusted with all of your hopes and dreams.
What he's really saying: I'm *probably* not too creepy.
Variants: Guy with a dog.

Category: Guy abroad somewhere.
What he's trying to say: I once took a chance and set foot outside of this country. I'm adventurous!
What he's really saying: I have a passport.
Variants: Guy hiking, riding a motorcycle, hang-gliding, rock climbing, surfing, etc.

Category: Head-shot taken at an off-angle.
What he's trying to say: I'm quirky and spontaneous! Life will never be boring if you choose me!
What he's really saying: I have an inner ear problem.
Variants: Guy with a goofy look on his face.

Category: Guy with his arms around a hot girl.
What he's trying to say: I was once funny/clever/smart/entertaining/good looking enough to date someone this beautiful. That should tell you I'm worth your time! Even if this girl turns out to actually be my cousin.
What he's really saying: I'll secretly always wish I was still with the girl pictured here. So now you know what you're up against.
Variant: Guy with his arms around more than one hot girl.

Category: The professional head shot.
What he's trying to say: Look at how handsome I am!
What he's really saying: I needed a lot of air-brushing to look this good, so don't expect to actually see the guy in the picture waiting for you at the bar when we meet.
Variant: Picture taken from far enough away that you can't make out any features; guy wearing a doctor's lab coat/scrubs (comes complete with the not-so-subtle "can support you in the manner to which you've become accustomed" message).

Category: The cropped picture taken by a friend
What he's trying to say: This is what I look like, I thought you might like to know.
What he's really saying: This is what I look like, I thought you might like to know.