Sunday, July 29, 2007

How to eat pie

You all may *think* you know how to eat pie. "Bibliophile," you'll say, "there's really nothing to it. You just take one bite, and then another, and then another, until there's nothing left on your plate!" "Ha!" I'll say. "This show's you really know nothing about how to eat pie."

No worries, I'm here to educate you.

Step 1: Get your hands on some really good pie. This is not as easy as you may think. I would have to say that 99.9% of the pie out there is what I would classify as Bad Pie. Bad Pie has many guises. The filling may be too sweet, the crust not delicate and flaky enough...Let's face it: Good Pie is not easy to make. I suggest you stay away from the store bought stuff (there's rarely anything good there), and either find a friend or family member who has real Pie Making Talent or practice yourself. I'm lucky enough to have a family member who falls into the former category, and several times a year makes pie. Last night, for my sister-in-law's birthday, he made her favorite (and my third favorite): sour cherry pie. Behold:

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Step 2: Gaze lovingly at your pie. Please, don't rush past this important step. Remember, Good Pie is exceedingly hard to find, so cherish it while it's on the plate in front of you!

Step 3: If the slice in front of you has a lattice-top crust (as my slice does), delicately remove those pieces of the crust and set them aside.

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Step 4: Eat the pie filling, reserving ALL PIE CRUST. I know how difficult this is to do, especially if you happen to know that the pie crust in front of you is top rate. If you find saving the crust for later to be too difficult for you, feel free to snack on the lattice crust as necessary, but reserve the bottom and edge crusts at all costs.

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Step 5: Once all of the filling has been eaten, scrape the remaining filling goo from the remainder of the crust.

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Step 6: Eat the crust, starting with the remaining lattice pieces, moving on to the bottom crust, and finishing, finally, with the best part: the edge crust.

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Class dismissed.

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Oh, and in case you're wondering, here is the order in which I like different pie flavors:
1. Pumpkin
1. Peach
3. Sour cherry
4. Everything else

4 comments:

Me said...

I think this blog entry made me pee my pants. Just so you know. :)

The Bibliophile said...

Sweeet...I love causing incontinence!

E said...

this is great, I just wish I were lucky enough to have a pie-making father like you do!! for now I'll just have to subsist on Pie Guy pies... sigh.

johanna said...

you realize you're a complete freak, right?

...just checking :)

(this is why we love you!

and damn, sour cherry pie. i'm jealous.)